Friday, April 4, 2008

Jays Home Opener

The last time the Jays decided to have the home opener on a Friday night against the Red Sox, the result was nothing short of unbridled depravity. Not since the Cubbies won the NL Central on the back end of a late September doubleheader has a crowd been so blatantly overserved. Slash set the tone by playing the national anthem on his electric guitar, and the Blue Jays brass decided it might be a good idea to hand out large refridgerator magnets with the Jays sched posted on them. Needless to say, come about the 7th inning, the drunkards in the upperdeck were combining these magnets and Manny Ramirez to create a kind of impromptu target practice (let me tell you, those things are heavy and sharp, and when thrown like a frisbee from 200 feet up can cause some serious damage). It was easily the worst/best baseball promotion since 10 cent beer night.

In any event, after leaving the stadium (completely smashed, of course) after the 2005 home opener, I predicted that that would be the last time the Jays ever decided to throw the home opener on a Friday night against the Sox. It was just waaaaay too much fun, and the good people at Rogers, unfortunately, don't necessarily like seeing you have too good a time in their digs.

But lo and behold, it appears as though they've forgotten exactly what degree of gong show the opener was three years ago! Throw in the fact that the people of Toronto have suffered through the longest winter on record, a Leafs team that has been capable of sucking the chrome off a trailer hitch, a Raps team getting jobbed more often than a red-headed ninth grader with a speech impediment, mix in about 15,000 cantankerous Massholes, and what you have is the perfect recipe for complete and utter debauchery.

My buddy Phatty scored 16 seats together down the third base line, with Ronnie managing to score 14 more up in the 500s. Belligerence and throwback unis will be the orders of the day.

Look for something along the lines of this:

(by the way, I draw the line at wasting a $12 beer: that's just sheer ignorance)

For those of you looking to go really old school, check out Tom Henke's Army. Bifocals are so hot right now.

Thanks to Flats for the tip.

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