Saturday, March 15, 2008

Steak and BJ Day


You know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for them more than any other. Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

I can't believe I missed out on this again. Really, my girlfriend should be ashamed. I slaved to make sure that this past Valentine's Day was everything she could ever dream: the roses, the ridiculously expensive dinner, the romantic moonlit walk... Hell, I was even accused of "going soft" by one of my loyal readers for suggesting that Tougher Than The Rest was the perfect V.D. song... And then she goes and forgets all about Steak and BJ day? What kind of a society do we live in where such glaring disparities can be allowed to continuously exist between the sexes?

Granted, I was out all day playing hockey and getting uproariously drunk with the OTHL alumni in the annual Friday-before-St.-Patrick's-Day-Game and didn't see her until I stumbled through the door and immediately passed out on the couch, but still... I would have gladly settled for a burger and some heavy petting.

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