Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Must-Have Consumer Product Showdown

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
(NSFW Language)


Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

Before you make you're decision, you need to be aware of the powers of the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt. The following are taken from the comments section of

Exhibit A - This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women

Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

Exhibit B - Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather.

Exhibit C - I am getting married this August and this is the only item on my registry. I hope to get hundreds of them.

Wow, those are some pretty glowing reviews for both products. But I think in this case, I'd have to go with the Wolf Shirt. Because let me tell you, I once received a similarly emblazoned wolf blanket in one of those family Chirstmas gift exchange deals, and I can tell you first hand that the powers of the blanket are strikingly similar to those which are being described with regards to the shirt... The bottom line is, when girls see the Wolves, they invariably remove their panties.

By the way, since when did begin selling clothing?

Thanks to Micah and DJ Smitty for passing along these two indispensible products.

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