Taboo II

By no means is this a forum for promoting classic porn movies, but in this case, I had to make an exception.

Taboo II is hands down the greatest classic porn flick of all-time. When we were in our formative years (and by formative I mean ages 13-16... ahh who am I kidding: ages 13-present day) and my parents were away for any length of time greater than 10 minutes, we used to steal my dad's old Beta tape from out of the back of the mystery cupboard, make sure all of the doors were locked so they couldn't unexpectedly arrive home without ample warning (the click of the door and subsequent fumbling for keys would give us time to turn off the VCR and make it seem like we were only ever watching "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air"), and then pop in Taboo II for an hour and a half of laughs.

Not only did Taboo II have a hysterical plot-line (incestuous dysfunctional family where brother has hot girlfriend but sleeps with sister and mother on the side, prompting sister to eventually sleep with dad), a cameo by the Hedgehog himself, and a script of dialogue that is nothing if not the industry's magnum opus (some of the greatest one-liners of all time, including:"You really ARE my big brother!", a line so often quoted by my friends and I that it eventually became our pseudo-title for the movie: Big Brother); as if those qualities weren't enough, apparently Taboo II also had the world's greatest soundtrack as well.

I'll be totally honest: I'd never really paid attention to the score in this masterpiece, but if Adam Carolla says that sonically, it's a delight, that's all I need. I'm sold.

This is an unbelievable audio clip taken from The Adam Carolla Show. And all this time, I considered my friends and I to be some kind of band of deranged perverts because everything we ever learned about sex as adolescents came from Revenge of the Nerds and Taboo II... And to finally find out that we weren't alone... I feel like an orphan finally tracking down my paternal family.

Click on THIS LINK to hear Adam Carolla wax poetic on the soundtrack to this definitive piece of art - the kind of film that would have made Jack Horner proud.

I'm not sure what's more difficult to believe: that someone else could have had their adolescent years defined by this movie, or that Taboo II was made in 1982. This was shocking for me to learn. Carolla touches on the fact that he was watching this movie in 1984, thinking that it was vintage, made sometime in the mid-70's, and I'm totally on board with him. When we were watching this in the early '90's, I could have sworn this movie was twenty years old. I hadn't realized that the pre-shave era extended all the way into the '80's.

Another classic tidbit: The fact that Taboo III was titled "The Final Chapter", and then they went on to make 19 subsequent chapters. Gotta love the porn industry.

I still can't believe Carolla was singing along to that porn-song that sounded like the end of the chorus in Lesley Gore's It's My Party ("You would cry too if it happened tooooo yoooouuu") ...I'm still laughing.