The Governator

I have no idea how this clip was allowed to surface, and can't help but believe that there is currently a hyper-alloy combat chasis surrounded by living tissue being sent back by Skynet to ensure that the web-geek responsible for posting this footage is terminated before it ever hits the net. So watch while you still can.


In a million years, did you ever think you'd see a Governer gawking at women and feeling them up on stage? And what about that English lesson? "Biting" and "Performing fellatio on small carrots"; yep, armed with that grasp of the language, this girl will be ready for anything that could conceivably come her way here in North America.

This video is clearly being posted for political and cultural reasons, but I should probably offer the disclaimer that if you're not into learning about the historical significance of scantilly clad women shaking their near-naked mullato bodies, you may wish to fast forward to the 2:05 mark for what is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen: The Governer of California making the universal sign for "beer goggles". A 10 out of 10.



"You know something? After watching the mulattos shake it, I can absolutely understand why Brazil is totally devoted to my favourite body part: THE ASS!"

Spoken like a true dignitary.

A Fan's Near Perfect Season

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The City All-Stars

In a shocking development in the TCSSC Intermediate Co-ed Basketball League, The City All-Stars pulled off a stunning upset to notch their first win of the year, improving their record to 1-3, and raising the bar for future teams to come by extending the fledgling team's unbeaten streak to 1. Throw in the 1-point loss from a week ago on a controversial last second bucket (a moral victory, if nothing else), and The City All-Stars appear to be peaking at just the right time.

Making tonight's win even more improbable was the fact that it came without the team's Captain, G.M., and inspirational leader Rosco (often referred to as the Red Auerbach of the Toronto Central Sport & Social Club, but lovingly embraced as the Hebrew Havlicek of the City All-Stars). We were also without the team's only player who has played basketball beyond the High School level, the inimitable Miss K.J. Robinson (yeah, that's right: our best player is a girl). Both super stars are currently in the running for Ewing Theory status.

In celebration of The City All-Stars' first win, here is a clip of the basketball team we most closely resemble:

(This preview is chock-full of expletives, so proceed with caution)

Midweek Reading Assignment

I'm not sure if you have more going on in your life than I do. Chances are, you do. But just in case you're feeling that void in your life now that football season has come to its inevitable conclusion, here are a few links to help you get through the rest of the week:



Proposed Transit Hubs May Shun Cars, by Tess Kalinowski

The chances of my ever moving back to the suburbs are somewhere between none and never, but the idyllic haven for commuters depicted in this piece, should the Province ever follow through with its plans, might someday push those chances into the "slim" category... Not that I have to concern myself with commuting, seeing as the seanmccallum.com world headquarters are currently located in my home office... but still... you never know.

(As a side note, I spent the better part of the year I took off between my 3rd and 4th years at University commuting from my parents' house in Oakville to Bay Street, and I can honestly say that there is really nothing more depressing in this world than sitting on the bus to and from the GO station, and then sitting on the train to and from the city, the vast majority of that time being spent in a hungover slumber until invariably being awoken as we pulled into Union Station by one of the countless good samaritans responsible for my keeping my job in that glorious year I spent "finding myself". The thought of going back to that kind of a commute is unequivocally unbearable, but I have to say that the prospect of showering with my fellow commuters after a vigorous bicycle trek is almost enough to make me reconsider... almost.)



Black on Track: Charting African American Music History

This collaborative piece in this week's NOW Magazine gives a great Coles Notes version of the history of African American influence in music; and considering how vast that influence is, it's actually quite a testament that the good people at NOW are able to condense it into this chronologically coherent thumbnail piece that can be taken in in less than 5 minutes.

This week's issue pays great tribute to Black History Month, so while you're on the site, feel free to peruse. I have to say that Honeydripper looks like a ridiculously good movie, and NOW features a pretty good interview with budding guitar legend Gary Clark Jr.

On another side note, budding hip hop legend Shad (one-time recipient of the seanmccallum.com NxNE Award for Best Pat Boone Reference in a Hip Hop Performance) was nominated for a Juno today in the Best Rap Performance category. And another seanmccallum.com favourite, Justin Rutledge, was nominated in the category of Roots & Traditional Album of the Year, Solo. (You can read about his performance at the NxNE Bob Harris Showcase here) Glad to hear that the Can-Con people are paying attention.



Dept. of Odds: Aces, by James McManus

I don't know about you, but I feel pretty good about the fact that the future President of the United States of America likes to have a few beers, smoke a few butts, and dominate his fellow senators in a game of poker. Just seems like the kind of normal, down to earth guy you want running the most powerful country in the world. And it probably doesn't hurt that he can speak like this.

The Catch

Just when you thought that nothing could possibly top Tom Petty's halftime performance, Eli Manning and David Tyree go out and do this... I mean, just... WOW!


As it turns out, contrary to popular belief, Tom Brady can lose. The editors at the seanmccallum.com blog would like to offer an official retraction.

French Seal Showdown

If you're at work or in the presence of small children, you may want to think about turning the volume down on these next three clips.



VS.



VS.



I love the cerebral approach taken by Bobby Knight. Nobody game-plans like the coach, and his ability to think on the fly makes him the obvious favourite going in.


As for the Aussie Rules Football coach, I think the guys at With Leather put it best when they stated: "It's surprising how few coaches know how directly proportional your team's performance is to the frequency of profanity in your pep talk. Not this guy."

Is there any way this team goes out and looses this game? After the goosebump-inducing reference to "The Olympics fuckin... somewhere in the 80's, with this chick that did this fuckin marathon..."? No f#cking way.


But I think I have to give the nod to Chris Berman on this one. In all of my years, I didn't think I'd ever live to see Boomer dropping an F-bomb, on the air or otherwise. He just doesn't seem capable of it. Maybe it's all that "Whooooop!", "Fummm-BULLLL!!!", and Eric "Sleeping With" Bienemy stuff, or the fact that he's a die-hard Bills fan and the only American Football commentator alive who regularly references the CFL... Call me naive, but I just never saw it coming.

To quote the great Clark W. Griswold: "Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now."

You're with me, Boomer.

Tom Brady Can't Lose

How can you possibly bet against a guy who is this cool under pressure?


By the way, there was a great piece in Barstool Sports today about the people you watch the Super Bowl with. I'd have to say that I fit in somewhere between "Volume Guy" and "Disgruntled (insert team here) Fan". Because much as I try to have a good time during the big game festivities, eating and drinking as much as is humanly possible, I can't help but feel like I should be paying closer attention to what's taking place on the screen, having invested the previous 20 weekends of my life into watching as much football as I already have... And then there's that whole sickness I have where I can't help but to compare every conceivable championship game-situation to one of the countless scarring childhood memories I have of watching the Buffalo Bills blow four consecutive Super Bowls...



People You Watch the Super Bowl With: Volume 1
by Peter Manzo
manzo@barstoolsports.com

Now a few months back I wrote an article entitled “Guys You Watch the NFL With” and hopefully most football-watching dudes could relate. There was “Conspiracy Guy” who for whatever reason always thinks the entire league is out to “get” his favorite team; there was “Horse Collar Guy” who thinks every fucking tackle is a horse collar, and there was “Go For It on 4th Down Guy” who wants the coach to go for it FAR too often on 4th down.

There were a couple others I don’t remember, but right now we’re aiming at a far greater audience than just guys who watch the NFL. This time we’re aiming for the entire population of humanity – women, children, trivia hosts, lesbians without cable, grandma, grandpa, pets, people convicted on judge shows, ALL of whom will be watching Super Bowl 42 between the Pats and the Giants, one week from Sunday on Fox.

“Prop Bet Guy” – Prop Bet Guy is a fucking riot. Actually he’s completely insane. After every play he’s either celebrating another win or pissed off at another heartbreaking loss. It’s easy to spot Prop Bet Guy - he usually comes out firing. It’s like he’s at the NFL Combines when he pulls out a stopwatch for the National Anthem, and then shortly thereafter he’s yelling “Tails! Tails!” to try and even things out. Remember, a lot of these prop bets do not JUST involve the game in front of you. Sure there’s the standard individual player over/under type bets, but if Lawrence Tynes just nails a 52 yarder and some guy in a cold sweat asks “how many points did Kobe have today?”, just a hunch, he’s probably not a Lakers fan.

“Volume Guy” – No matter where you watch this year’s game, they’ll always be a guy asking for “more volume” on the TV. There could be 1000 people in the room all screaming “Horse Collar!” at the top of their lungs, clearly making it impossible to hear the TV anyway, but for whatever reason Volume Guy is obsessed with hearing the game. It’s like heroin for this guy. He NEEDS volume. “Hey dude, can we get some volume on that thing?” Naturally the host or whoever will promptly ignore him and he’ll get into even more of a tizzy. “Volume dude, I need volume!” Now this year if he’s that obsessed with listening to Joe Buck, it’s time to call the authorities.

“Senor Squares” – Listen, I used to be “Senor Squares” and I hated it. That’s right, for Bucs/Raiders and Pats/Sex Panthers I was the guy scrambling around the bar before kickoff with a pen, a stack of singles and an 8’ by 10’ grid of quasi-legal Super Bowl squares. It just got to be too much of a pain in ass though. People keep coming up to you every 10 seconds asking you who’s winning and what their numbers are because they’re too fucked up to remember. Which is fine. But be nice to Senor Squares, technically this is his volunteer work for the entire year. Good luck getting him to do anything nice for you til 2009.

“Disgruntled Dolphins Fan” – I’ve never seen a more disgruntled NFL fan base than this current crop of Miami Dolphin fans. It’s like their whole world is crumbling down before their very eyes. First they had the Brady Quinn fiasco, then they went 1-15, now the Pats are about to swoop their most cherished and sacred record of an undefeated season. The steak at Shula’s just doesn’t taste the same anymore for some reason. Bottom line is if you hear somebody cheering after the G-men score, if he’s not wearing any Giant paraphernalia, chances are there’s a Disgruntled Dolphin fan in the house.

“Degenerate Massholes Who Bet the Pats” – The only scarier individual come next Sunday night than Dolphin fans could very well be Degenerate Massholes Who Bet the Pats. Be careful. If you look up the word bittersweet in the dictionary you'll see a picture of them. Perfect season, my ass. This team hasn’t covered since the Pittsburgh game! Per usual, Vegas is smarter than me, you and everyone else not nicknamed The Greek. I have a feeling gamblers from Maine to Hartford will be letting it ride one last time with the Pats here minus 13. And while Bob Kraft, Belichick, Brady and Bruschi are celebrating their 7 point win at mid-field in Arizona, there’s going be some people in Greater Boston whose families might not be eating for the next several weeks.

“People Who Cheer the Commercials” – I never understood People Who Cheer the Commercials. It’s a corporate advertisement, not a successful emergency landing. Other than the Miller Lite Cat Fight from a while back, I don’t think I’ve ever shown any emotion (I cried) after a Super Bowl ad. And what happened to the Bud Bowl? I freaking loved the Bud Bowl. Supposedly it jumped the shark when “Bud Dry” made the spot start at QB for Bud Light. Also note, the people who cheer the commercials are usually the same people who win the squares pool…

“Post-Game Hookup Chick” – Unless you’re married or a complete degenerate, odds are you’ve got your eye on a potential post-game hookup since the National Anthem. Here’s a prop bet for you: how many plays will you miss this year but pretend to actually see because you were staring in her direction? 12-12.5? Now because the game usually falls on a Sunday things could get tricky, but I know for a fact one of my good buddies hooked up with a random after Pats-Eagles in ‘05. In fact he even guaranteed it ala Joe Namath before the game. He was a proud Pats fan, she was “just there for the Bud Light”, next thing you know he’s sending text messages with multiple exclamation points from her apartment at 1 in the morning. Final score: Jets 16, Colts 7.

So there you have it, People You Watch the Super Bowl With: Volume 1. Good luck on your prop bets, getting ass and of course, enjoy the game. See you next year for Pats vs. -Insert NFC Team- and we’ll roll the dice with Volume 2.

More videos from the "ryanparkersongs's channel" channel at Burlysports.com